exhaling

Have you ever had one of those moments where you realize you’ve been holding your breath without knowing it?  Yeah.  Me too.  Today as a matter of fact.

Right after lunch the phone rang.  It was my doctor.  As soon as I answered she said, “Kaci, this is Dr. Maybee.  Let me start off by saying that your biopsy was benign.  You DON’T have cancer.”  Cue: Exhale.  Oh, WOW!  I didn’t realize my lungs were so full.  Orders to self: Must hold back the tears of relief for the next twenty minutes as we discuss all the surgical options to remove what’s there.

breathe note

The last few weeks have been a painful journey physically, emotionally, and mentally.  When I said in my last post that “I have lost my flippin’ mind.”  I meant it.

Please notice that the list of pains does not include “spiritually”.  One thing in my life is always certain: When things are painful, I draw near to God.  Which might make one wonder why I’ve lost my mind.  Well, you see.  This thing happens when I start listening really closely to hear what God is saying to me.  I also start hearing another voice.  Maybe it’s just my own twisted psyche or maybe it’s Satan.  Either way, it’s destructive.

So, over the last few weeks as I have heard , “Be Still and Know that I am God…”  It has been followed with, “You deserve uterine cancer.  Uterine cancer is the consequence for abortion.”  Which would be followed by, “My grace is sufficient…” or, “ I told you to put your hand to the plow and DON’T LOOK BACK.”  or “Seriously, Kaci?!  Didn’t we work out this grace thing when I showed you that I never even mentioned all the bad things that the apostle Paul did when I met him on the road to Damascus?!”

See how I lost my mind?  I had these two opposing voices speaking to me constantly, clearly, LOUDLY.

2 Timothy 3:16  All Scripture is inspired by God and is useful to teach us WHAT IS TRUE and to make us realize what is wrong in our lives. It corrects us when we are wrong and teaches us to do what is right.

Here’s the thing about those two voices: The one in bold print?  I KNOW that one is the voice of God.  Wanna know how?  Because I read the Bible.  The Bible is His Word.  Every single one of those words (okay maybe not the “Seriously, Kaci…”) came from the Bible.  Without reading the Bible, the only voice I would have heard over these last few weeks is that destructive one.  I would have bought into the lie that I deserve to have uterine cancer.

I DON’T HAVE IT AND I DON’T DESERVE IT!!

I feel like I need to make it clear to anyone reading this that even if that phone call had gone a little differently.  Even if I did have cancer again.  My past would still be my past and I would still be forgiven.  His grace would still be sufficient. His grace is ALWAYS sufficient!

A big huge thanks for all the prayers as I’ve walked through the last few weeks.  My tribe of people blows me away with the amount of love, prayer and encouragement you send my way.  YOU rock!

One more thing about the Bible…

Hebrews 4:12-13 (The Messsage)  God means what he says. What he says goes. His powerful Word is sharp as a surgeon’s scalpel, cutting through everything, whether doubt or defense, laying us open to listen and obey. Nothing and no one is impervious to God’s Word. We can’t get away from it—no matter what.  

3 thoughts on “exhaling

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